Hating Bella Swan
by evieeden
Summary: Becoming a wolf was the worst thing that ever happened to Leah, and it was all Bella Swan's fault. Advent story written for 4th December.


**Here's the fourth of my advent fics. Unfortunately due to time constraints today, it has only had myself as a beta so any mistakes are my own (although it would be lovely if you then didn't point them all out to me – ignorance is bliss). Anyway, I hope you all enjoy it, and as always, I own nothing.**

**Hating Bella Swan**

**LPOV**

A laugh from across the beach caught my attention and, against my better judgement, I turned my head to see the cause of it. It had been so long since Sam had sounded cheerful like that, he was always so serious nowadays, that the part of me that still loved him more than I should was desperate to seek out the cause of his happiness.

It was _her_, of course, and I could barely stop my top lip from curling back over my teeth in a snarl.

My _beloved_ cousin. Even in my head, the acknowledgment sounded bitter.

She was squealing happily as Sam lifted her up off the ground and spun her around in a circle, his own laugh evident as he danced across the sand with her in his arms. As I watched, he set her back down on the sand gently, making sure that she had her balance, before leaning in to press soft kisses against the ruined skin of her face. She giggled and cupped his face in her own hands, guiding his mouth back to hers in a passionate embrace.

I looked away abruptly. I didn't want to see that.

The worst part was, that I couldn't even blame them for how they felt anymore. Before, when I had been ignorant as to the real cause of their relationship, I had been mostly content – healing.

Sam was just a pathetic jackass who had messed me around for months before the end of our relationship, disappearing randomly, standing me up on dates and showing all the respect towards the woman who loved him that his father had. When he had suddenly ditched me and started hitting on my cousin, pursuing her up to the Makah reservation time and again, he had been a cheating bastard who had no respect for women and had sank to the lowest of the low by using me all these years just to get to another girl.

And Emily...

Emily had cut me more deeply than Sam had. She had been my best friend; I had confided everything in her, all my hopes, all my dreams, all my worries about my rapidly deteriorating relationship with Sam. Then she had betrayed me in the worst possible way. She had accepted my ex-lover as her own, disregarding any sense of family loyalty or my own feelings.

And then they had moved in together. On _my_ reservation. There was no way of avoiding their smug self-contentedness, not when they lived just down the road from me.

I used to imagine them laughing at me and my heartbreak.

_...poor, stupid Leah...still mooning around after you, Sam...did she honestly think that I actually ever loved her?...she was only ever good for one thing..._

It had been easy for them to be the bad guys, like I and most of the reservation thought. They were both horrible people and they deserved each other.

My anger towards them had started to fade as I realised that I had had a lucky escape. Imagine if I had gone ahead and married Sam like I wanted to, only to then sit at home every night waiting for him to come home smelling of alcohol and other women. At least they had shown their true characters before I had gotten in any deeper than I already was. And with that had come a measure of peace. One day, when high school was over, I would leave the reservation and go out into the world and find someone who was meant for me, who would love me just as I was and who I could trust with my heart once again. Sam and Emily would just be two people that I used to know, who had played with my feelings, but had ultimately made me the person I was. I could get over the betrayal and I would get over the betrayal...

I would be happy again.

Only then I phased for the first time.

I turned into a giant wolf, the only female of our kind, and in doing so I killed my father, terrifying him so much that he dropped dead of a heart-attack.

What then made a bad situation even worse was that I then found out the truth.

Sam hadn't betrayed me. He had fought hard for me, to keep me. He really had loved me.

But genetics had pre-determined the perfect mate for him, and that wasn't me. It was Emily. I was wolf, just like he was; my bloodlines were obviously strong enough to carry the wolf gene...

...and I just wasn't good enough.

It had never been about Sam, or Emily, being truly horrible people who didn't deserve my time or tears. Instead, it was all me. I wasn't feminine enough, or fertile enough, or just _good_ enough for him anymore, and the imprint had made that blindingly clear to him, no matter his feelings beforehand.

Sam hadn't wanted to betray me, and neither had Emily, but the pull was too strong and they hadn't been able to resist it in the end.

The worst part was, with the benefit of wolf telepathy, I could see how much Sam had fought, how much he had clung to his love for me even when he knew there was no hope, and the healing wounds that he and Emily had inflicted upon me had ripped open painfully wide again.

Becoming a wolf had ruined everything.

It had robbed me of my father, my life, my future plans, and any chance of peace of mind that I had once dreamed of.

I would never get out of La Push. I would never find someone to love who would love me back unless I magically imprinted. I would never escape Sam, because he was now my Alpha and in my life permanently. I would never be able to put the failure of our relationship behind me – all that was now left was a deep-abiding hatred of myself and what I had become.

And I had the Cullens to thank for that... Well, them and their pet. If it hadn't been for Bella Swan then they wouldn't have stuck around Forks for as long as they did, triggering the gene that made Sam, Jared and Paul phase. If Sam had never phased then he would still be with me, that much I knew for sure. And if it wasn't for Bella Swan now, then that redhead who wanted to kill her so badly wouldn't have been constantly encroaching upon our territory, forcing the phase upon myself and Seth, tearing apart everything that I held dear.

I was a wolf because Bella Swan couldn't just stay away from the fucking vampires like any other normal person would've. My life had been ruined because she had to play out her twisted version of Romeo and Juliet with the undead leech.

I hated her for it.

Of course, there was no point in wishing Bella Swan dead now – it was far too late for that – but I could feel the anger that now constantly boiled in the pit of my stomach rise just at the thought of her.

She was here tonight, of course, clinging to Jacob for dear life, while he smirked and preened at having her on his arm. She didn't share his romantic inclinations, that was obvious for everyone apart from Jacob to see, but she did rely upon him, counting on the mini-Alpha to save the last of her sanity.

It wasn't just her white skin that set her apart from everyone else on the beach today; it was her shrunken appearance, as if she had collapsed in on herself, that stood out while everyone else around her was smiling, laughing and joking and stuffing huge amounts of food into their faces. Throughout it all, she remained quiet, shoulders hunched, arms wrapped around her chest.

"Hey, Jake!" A shout came from across the sand, and I looked up to see Embry beckoning at his friend. "Come play football!"

Jake nodded enthusiastically, but then seemed to remember the quiet girl by his side. "I could stay here with you, if you want?" he volunteered quietly.

"No. No." Bella shook her head. "You go ahead and play. Don't say no just because of me. I'll just sit over by the fire or something, try and keep warm while you're gone," she joked.

Jacob threw back his head and laughed, clearly delighted that she had admitted to liking having him around, even if it was just for his body heat.

"Sure, no problem. Hey, look." He pointed over to the fire where I was sitting and I glared at him. "Leah's over there so you can sit and talk to her."

I scowled at him as Bella looked vaguely terrified at the prospect of having to talk to me, something I noted with pleasure. Good! I didn't want the stupid little leech-lover to talk to me. Unfortunately, we weren't in wolf-form now so he couldn't read my mind, instead taking Bella's hand and dragging her over to sit on the felled log where I was perched.

With a quick, "See ya," and a wave, he sprinted off to play, leaving his wreck of a not-girlfriend sat uncomfortable next to me.

"I'm sorry about Jacob," she stuttered quickly, after several long minutes of silence between us. "You don't have to talk to me if you don't want to..."

"I wasn't going to anyway," I interrupted her. "I don't listen to Jacob and he doesn't tell me what to do."

She flinched at the harsh note in my voice, but just nodded, wrapping her arms tightly around her shaking body once more. The only sound was that of the boys ragging on each other in the distance.

I couldn't stop myself from studying her as we sat in silence though.

She looked so defeated, so broken, all the life leached out of her. Her eyes were blank as she stared into the fire and her mouth was turned down at the edges. As I watched out of the corner of my eye, tears began to roll down her face, but not a whimper came out of her mouth.

Against my better judgement, I began to feel sorry for the girl.

She had just been in love with someone who had claimed to love her back, to feel as deeply for her and she did for him. Only then he had left her, without warning or explanation, and she was left wondering what she had done wrong and what it was about her that had made him suddenly decide to turn his back on her and walk away.

The parallels between our situations made me shift uncomfortably on my seat.

The more I thought about it though, the more I began to see shades of myself in Bella. The bewilderment, the betrayal, and the pain were all the same. The only difference was she would never know why her leech had left her so suddenly, she would never see whatever creature he replaced her with and so she would never see man at his most capricious – she would constantly be left wondering if it was all her fault in the end.

Yes, our situations were too close for comfort.

"I don't like you," I announced, keeping my tone cool, not wanting her to think that her silent crying had got to me and wrapped me around her finger like it would with all the other boys.

Her hand came up to wipe away the evidence of her misery, even though new tears immediately formed in her eyes to replace them, and she nodded in acknowledgement of my statement.

"I don't blame you."

As if that small exchange had been enough, stillness fell over us again. I reached out and grasped her hand which rested between us. Her grip tightened around mine at the gesture.

And we sat there. Two girls holding hands. Sharing our misery.


End file.
